Nowadays, women tend to have children more and more late in life.
According to CDC (centers for Disease Control and Prevention), The United States and many other developed countries have observed increases in average age at first time mom, near 30 years of age.
Being an older mom is the new trend.
Is being an older mom different from a younger one?
Older mom? What do you mean?
To be honest with you, I had absolutely no clue that women who give birth after 35 years old were labelled ‘older mom’ or geriatric mother.
‘Geriatric’ really sounds terrible!
As I fall pregnant at 39 years old, at the hospital, they told me that my pregnancy was at risk.
I have been told recently that I was lucky that I’ve managed to get pregnant after 35 years old.
As we all know, the number of eggs reduces dramatically after this age. But, it doesn’t mean you cannot have children. For me, as long as you have your periods you have a chance to conceive.
Was it luck, miracle or just a healthy body?
Maybe, it was a bit of all these 3 ingredients.
I cannot tell really, but I remember there was one day when I said to myself: “that’s it; I am ready to become a mother”. And at that time I was 39 years old.
Surely, a positive attitude and right mindset have to be added to the recipe too.
As already mentioned in this blog, my husband and I decided to have a child after being together for 10 years. However, it was not the case a few years back. I didn’t mind to have no children. I was not obsessed to have children. My thinking was if I have one child, I will be happy if not I do not mind.
Then, at 39 years old, I said to my husband: “are we sure that we do not want to have children at all?”
I remember I said to him, “we have to be clear about it because this is the last chance for me to be a parent because after it going to be more difficult. Also, I don’t want us to regret later on not to be parents at least once”.
So, after long hours of discussion, we decided to take the plunge. But, the thinking was to try and if it happens we will be glad if not it’s fine. We didn’t want to go down the road of IVF etc.
Two months later, I was pregnant!
Did I do anything special?
Well, I did prepare my body to receive a child. What I mean is for instance, I did first a body detox. I wanted to have a clean “space” for the little one.
Also, at that time, 80% of my diet was organic food. I did exercise and I ate a lot of fruits and vegetables.
In addition, I had regularly full body massage. And, I used to massage my tummy every day.
All this preparation was a way to tell my body that I was ready to welcome and protect a new “being” into planet earth.
This worked very well for me but for others it can take longer or other factor can be considered.
For instance, you might need to check if your diet prevents you to get pregnant.
It seems pretty basic. But, I can tell you that I was amazed to see a friend who tried for many years to get pregnant without success. Until, they discovered that she was gluten intolerant. As soon as, she had a gluten-free diet, she falls pregnant.
Unbelievable! What a relief!
God bless her.
Anyway, being an older mom has surely its advantages and inconvenience.
The challenges
The pregnancy can be at risk: My pregnancy was not an easy one. I felt sick all the time. But, it was not necessary related to my age.
However, I had gestational diabetes and it was apparently a consequence of having a child late.
It was very annoying not only because I couldn’t eat anything sweet but also I had to monitor my blood glucose level after every meal. Besides having a medication called ‘metformin’, also, I had to use a finger pricker. I could not stand it but I have no choice, as I wanted to have a healthy baby. Thanks God, after giving birth, I had no longer diabetes.
Energy level is lower: The gap between being in the twenties and the forties is huge as you can imagine. Of course, at mid-thirty or forty, your energy level is definitely not the same.
I can tell you I feel the difference. My body takes longer to recover after a sleepless night. However, I am conscious that I have to exercise regularly to keep a good energy level. In complement, I have to get vitamins to strengthen body systems.
Your life is in standby: I used to have a very busy schedule and all a sudden it has stopped when baby was here. This is very challenging because it seems that your life evolve only around baby. Even if, you do know it is just for a time but sometimes, it can be difficult to cope with it.
Relationship with your partner: I have heard so many stories about couple having hard time as soon as baby arrived. I saw couple broke up because the man was not very helpful.
We have to realise that it is also a challenge for the man. He might feel a bit powerless and lost specially if the bonding between mother and child is strong leaving little space for him.
So, your very long relationship can end up abruptly because you’ve realised that the man that you knew was no longer the ideal one.
The Good Part
The love: We have always heard about the maternal love but we do not grasp it until we become a mother ourselves. I am so happy and thankful to live this extraordinary experience. It is never too late to give and receive love.
Experience gained through life: Another advantage of being an older mom is what I have accomplished in my life that gives me maturity in term of dealing with different situation.
In addition, I am happy that I have travelled a bit. Also, I am glad that I have embraced at least two different careers. By achieving all these, I cannot say I wished I had done this before. Of course, I wish I had achieved even more but this is my ambitious personality.
The strength: I have never been so motivated to surpass myself. I would like to be a model for my son. I hope he could say one day, if mom achieve that I can do it as well.
Would I do it again?
Since I have a quite active toddler who keeps me busy, I feel discouraged to have a second one.
It is clearly a lot of work. Currently, I feel drained and exhausted and I wonder how do others manage to have three or even two kids.
They will tell you that brothers and sisters can play together. True, but it is still a lot of work.
Also, as my pregnancy was quite challenging so I am a bit put off to go through the sickness, the diabetics control etc.
However, I have to admit that from time to time, I feel the desire to have a second one.
It is a feeling that comes and goes.
When, we first talked about having one child, my husband thought maybe we should have two so that they can play together.
But, now we have one and see what it is in reality, he is not interesting in having a second one.
I can understand that.
We have enough on our plate already with our son.
People tend to tell me that it is not good for him to be alone, he will feel lonely or he won’t learn about the value of sharing.
I can hear that…
But, maybe he is happy to receive all the love for himself.
And, anyway, he can always make friends to compensate the lack of sister or brother.
At the end of the day, it’s up to my husband and I if we want to expand the family or not.
In conclusion, there are inconveniences and advantages to be an older mom. It’s a decision that only you can make regardless of the critic surrounding the subject.
What about you? What is your experience of being an older mom? Or do you feel too old to have a baby? Please share here, thanks in advance. 🙂
