My toddler son and I have a strong bonding in our relationship. But, can this bond be always good?
Even though, I’ve delivered my son by c-section and we did not have the skin-to skin contact straight after birth to create the bonding, we still have a close attachment.
What is bonding with your child?
Bonding with your child is perceived to be beyond a strong attachment that you have with your little one.
The way I see bonding is like a special emotional and even a strong connection I have with my son. It is a feeling that a parent may have even before giving birth. The feeling that you want to protect your precious one and you are ready to put your own life in danger to save her or him.
I suppose everyone is more or less experiencing bonding differently. I remember a few days after the birth of my son and even sometimes today, I could not only sense what he needs but I could feel it in my body.
Sometimes, I have the feeling that my son reads my thoughts. Maybe it is just my imagination or it was simply a maternal instinct but I would relate it to bonding.
Anyway, I do think we are strongly connected.
How to bond?
For some parent bonding is very natural and easy but for some others, it is not the case or it might takes longer.
So, how can a parent bond with her child?
There are several ways to bond with your toddler or baby and I will mention only a few here.
The most obvious way to bond would be cuddling. I give lots of hugs to my son and he loves it. I often tell him that I love him.
In my culture and I know in many more, specially the past generation, parents did not show so much their emotion. They would not systematically tell their children that they love them.
I cannot remember that my mum ever told me that she loved me even though I was very attached to her. And, the funny thing is now I am older she tells me that she loves me very often when I have her on the phone. Isn’t it interesting?
Well, I would just think that she adapts to the fact that nowadays people are more open about their feelings towards their own children.
I have always been someone who love giving hugs and receiving them too. So, naturally with my son, he gets all the love that he needs.
Playing together and being inventive
My husband managed to create a bond with our son by being creative. But, it wasn’t necessary the case at the beginning. There were phases where my son didn’t want to spend so much time with his dad. My son would just stay glue to me.
There were moments he didn’t want his daddy holding him after a certain time. I don’t know if this has anything to do with bonding a just a phase but it was quite frustrating not only for my husband but for me as well because I couldn’t have so much break at that time.
Thanks Goodness, things have changed dramatically. You would not believe but now he asks for his dad several times during the day.
When they spend time together, my husband always finds a way to invent new games. They are quite simple but for my son it sounds amazing. And my son follows promptly whatever his dad is doing.
Making them laugh
Well, you might think that you are not a clown. You might have no idea how to make your child laugh.
But a baby or toddler doesn’t know much about that. Anything will do such as pulling your tongue and having a funny face.
They love when you make sounds with your mouth.
My son and I laugh all the time and every day. Anyway, just remember that laughing is a good for the health too.
What are the Benefits?
Better development: According to UC Davis, a medical center in the US, it is important to bond with your child as there is an impact in his/her development later in life. The bonding will affect his/her ability to develop healthy relationship in the adulthood.
More confident: Researches have proved that holding and comforting a baby when needed during the first six months of life tend to be more confident and secure later on.
Is it always good to have a strong bonding with your child?
Having a special attachment have surely many advantages but it has some disadvantages that you should not ignore.
For instance, depending on the day, there are moment my son would not let me having a shower because he wants me to hold him at this particular moment.
Or in some occasions, he wants to sit on my lap while I am sitting on the wc. (yeah, I know!)
Could it be sometimes that he thinks that our personalities are merging?
I do know that the first months of life a baby thinks that he’s part of his mother. Could it be still possible that this feeling keep continuing from time to time?
A strong bond with your child may have a negative effect for the mother if she lives her life through her child only. I remember seeing a TV program many years ago showing a mother who had a strong bonding with her daughter, her unique child. Once, her daughter had to leave the nest, to go to university miles away from home, the mother entered in deep depression. She had difficulties to cope with the separation. She felt she needed to call her daughter every day. She just couldn’t go over the fact that her daughter has grown up and she needed her own space.
However, this strong bonding can surely affect your child too. He or she might not want to leave the cozy nest so easily.
By having a too strong relationship with your child, you might end up over protecting him or her and not let them live their own experience.
Well, I am happy to have this strong bonding with my son. However, I am able to take some breaks from him. No matter how much I love him, I have no problem to have some time just for me. As a matter of fact, he stays two days a week with a childminder and this will be even increased to 3 days.
I want to make sure that our relationship is healthy and well-balanced.
In conclusion, it is very important to bond with your child as it helps to be more secure and confidence in his/her adult life. However, it is crucial that the bonding does not become a threat to prevent your child to develop properly.
And you, what is your experience in term of bonding with your little one?