Authoritarian and permissive methods are two different parenting style. You surely think that there are not the best ways to raise children. However, could these parenting style be helpful to parents who face challenging situation with their kids?
Or, maybe you might think a mix of both could be helpful?
A few days ago, I read an article about these two different style of parenting. Read here the full article. The author mentioned several ways of raising a child. For the time being, I will be focusing on these two style mentioned above.
Could authoritarian and permissive parenting style be sometimes useful?
First, let’s see what is an authoritarian parenting style and then check the definition of the permissive’s one.
An authoritarian style is not to be confused with an authoritative (we will talk about this later). According to Diana Baumrind, a researcher who focus on different ways of parenting, define an authoritarian as punishment-oriented style where parents give orders, and explanation is not part of the agenda. Often, in this style of parenting, physical punishment is also used when a child doesn’t obey or misbehave.
A permissive or indulgent style of parenting is when parents choose not to control their children. They would rather listen to them and give them advice like friends would do. There is little discipline involved in this way of raising a child.
Now you know both definition, you might think these kind of parenting is sometimes helpful depending of the situation.
Personally, the main style I use is generally a mix of different style such as authoritative, positive and attachment.
What to do when talking is not enough?
And, I must confess that in certain occasions, I can be very strict and firm which look like more the authoritarian style without the corporal punishment.
For instance, the other day, my son who is 2 and half, has decided that he wanted to wear socks on his own.
Fair enough…I am always happy when he wants to learn things and even when he shows sign of independence.
Problem was that day was the day I had my course and above all the childminder had a school run meaning she needed to leave her home at 8.30 am for dropping a child at school.
So at home, my son was seated on floor trying to put his sock on. I sat next to him and explain to him what would be the best solution but he would not hear me.
I offered my help for the socks but, he didn’t want it.
He did manage to put on one sock but not the other one. He tried so many time that he got very upset. He started crying even louder and louder.
If I wanted to stand up, he would not let me go. He wanted me to sit and look at him trying to wear a sock.
A touch of authoritarian rule is sometimes helpful…without punishment
After several attempt of this ‘sock’s game’, and knowing that time was ticking, I had to make a decision regardless of his reaction. He was already screaming anyway! I just took him with the help of my husband (thanks God he was there that day) and put him in the buggy and buckled the belt. It wasn’t an easy task but I managed to get out of the house. And, he carried on screaming all the way to the childminder’s home.
I don’t know what you would have done if you were in that situation.
He wasn’t ready to give up and I didn’t have time to let him do his way.
That day it was my way and nothing else. I did gave him a chance to make a choice but he would not be interested.
Remember, children love testing parents
Often time, when Josh is misbehaving I always keep in mind that kids love testing their parents. Having that in mind, I do my best to provide the best support I can with love and compassion.
My preferred parenting style
In an ideal world, the style of parenting I generally tend to adopt is more likely the authoritative way. It is very similar to the positive parenting style. You can check my previous post here.
In this style of parenting, parents understand their children’s feeling and showed them how to regulate them. In this approach, parents persuade their children to be independent but with some boundaries in their endeavor.
I said ‘in an ideal world’ because nothing is ever perfect, sometimes I know I can be overprotective.
Finally, both authoritarian and permissive parenting style have their limits. However, sometimes it is helpful to use an authoritarian or permissive style depending of the situation you are facing.
And, I know that the person my son will become later in life will depend a lot from the way he has been raised alongside with his own experience and character.