How can I aim for positive parenting skills? Could such things be possible in a parenthood life? Specially when dealing with toddlers. I can’t even imagine how it could be with teenagers.
But, let’s focus on the present. For the moment, my little one is 2 and half and I have enough on my plate with him. He’s surely master the skill of keeping me busy.
So, how could you adopt a positive parenting method when you have been brought up with statement such as : “Don’t do this, otherwise you will hurt yourself” or “you will fell down if you climb there”! etc
But, it seems that positive parenting goes beyond that.
Let’s discover what is positive parenting skills and how can we use them in our daily life.
What is positive parenting, anyway?
If I have understood correctly, positive parenting is simply a way of parenting that focus on finding solutions rather than choosing the option of punishment when a child misbehave.
In 2001, Matthew R. Sanders and his colleagues, from the University of Queensland, Australia created the ‘Positive parenting program’ or Triple P.
Here are the 5 principles:
1- Safe and Pleasant Environment
When an environment is safe, handled with love which gives opportunities to explore, learn and play, this help to promote healthy child development at any age.
2- Decisive Discipline
In that program parents are taught how to move away from ineffective method such as threat, physical punishment and shooting at their children. And, start using effective solutions when needed.
For instance, effective solutions or methods are: talking calming to your child, giving clear direction accordingly to their age, discussing rules etc.
3-Positive Learning Setting
This concept is about teaching parents or primary carers that they are the first teachers of their kids. Meaning that parents must learn how to respond to their children’s requirement in constructive and positive way. At the same time, they should learn to encourage their children to be independent when solving problems.
4-Realistic Expectations
When parents have realistic and pragmatic expectations towards their children’s abilities, they are more likely to give them the attention they need.
5-Caring for yourself
This principle has for goal to educate parents practical skills in order for them to see parenting on a different angle. They can start embracing their role as part of a bigger picture where well-being, self-esteem and self-care are involved.
For further reading on the subject, you can it check on Wikipedia.
How Can I aim for a positive parenting in my daily life?
By knowing now the concept of positive parenting, how can I apply it in every day life? And, by the way, the idea reminds me of the non-violence communication, you can check the post I wrote about it here.
I like the idea of ‘realistic expectation’. Clearly, my son is 2 years and half, even though, he understands quite a lot of what I say, I still cannot expect that he follows every single word.
So, for instance, when I ask him to do something and I see he has difficulties to understand, I try to choose different words and I speak very slowly. If he still looks confused, I show him what I would like him to do. It is a way for him to learn because he can remember days or weeks later.
Another way I have adopted a positive parenting is for example when I stop what I am doing and actually take the time to listen what my son is saying. Although, sometimes his words are not articulated however, generally, I always manage to grasp what he says. I must admit, it is not always easy when you’ve so many things to do or things to think about. But, it doesn’t matter because I realize that my son seems to like that.
To be very honest with you, I begin to notice changes in his behavior, he is less likely to do tantrums or big drama.
Finally, aiming for a positive parenting is not as difficult as it seems to appear. When, you discover the benefit the concept has on you as a parent and on your children, you surely want to keep this method and adapt it better to your child’s need.
